1.
Must learn to fly ...
Blame Fuerzabruta ... I would be more than happy to run off with them to create wanton playgrounds and random adventure ... as long as I get to wear a harness and run through the air smashing through walls (you really have to see the show).
2.
Must never use diet coke as a substitute for flying ...
That stuff must have so many 'e' numbers in it you may as well just have a disco biccie. I was home by a very respectable 1am only to find myself still dancing alone in the living room at 4am after just one can bought in haste. As I now repent in leisure I reflect on the fact that nothing is more guaranteed to generate that particular strain of British passive aggression than someone dithering at a bar with a crowd 20 deep behind them.
3.
Must honour my toe nails in the pursuit of flying ... at the speed of jog ... for this could be the year they never forgive me and refuse to grow back .... Wadebridge to Teignmouth, 100 miles in under 48 hours. Bring it on!
4.
Must shed unnecessary baggage in order to achieve flight ...
This includes cupboards full of clothes I never wear, scraps of paper whose purpose I've long ago forgotten, a yarn stash that is out of control and the argument with the real estate agent over guttering. No matter that, two weeks later, I can now think of half a dozen devastating retorts to his egregious (what a word) fibs. He will soon fade from view like the taste of diet coke and I will be left with my own little apartment with Dingo Baby as my lodger.
5.
Remember that all women need room of their own if they are to fly ...
